


This Is What The Truth Feels Like

by RocknRoll_Goddess



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7152782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocknRoll_Goddess/pseuds/RocknRoll_Goddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The corners of his mouth curve up in a lazy smile, his little snuffles that she learned to love a clear sign that he's enjoying her touch even in his sleep. She wants to smile then too, but instead of the newly familiar feeling of joy and happiness that usually spreads through her body like a wildfire whenever she's faced with his little acts of love and affection, her heart aches. A painful, slow squeeze that makes it hard to breathe for a moment and has her withdraw her hand as if she's been burnt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rare.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! ♥ I decided that this is gonna be a collection of one shots, since I have so many different ideas at the moment, that I'm working on. The different stories won't be in any chronological order and there'll probably be stuff from Season 7, Season 9 and of course after The Voice ;)  
> Enjoy reading, leave comments and let me know if you have any ideas what I could write about! :) ♥

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The corners of his mouth curve up in a lazy smile, his little snuffles that she learned to love a clear sign that he's enjoying her touch even in his sleep. She wants to smile then too, but instead of the newly familiar feeling of joy and happiness that usually spreads through her body like a wildfire whenever she's faced with his little acts of love and affection, her heart aches. A painful, slow squeeze that makes it hard to breathe for a moment and has her withdraw her hand as if she's been burnt.

The morning sun tickling her face and the sound of birds chirping somewhere in the distance are what pulls her out of her deep slumber that morning. A frustrated grunt leaves her mouth, her brows furrow and her grip on the warm white sheets tightens as she's desperately trying to stay in her bubbly magical cotton candy fantasy world, clinging to the last beautiful moments of her most recent dream. But as frustrating as it might be, as a mother of three little boys waking up and going back to sleep right away doesn't come easy to her, and as much as she loves sleeping, she can't remember the last time she got to _really_ sleep in, not even now that she's technically on vacation. The sun on her face is warm and so are Blake's linen sheets that are loosely wrapped around her almost naked body (she must've put on his flannel during the night when she got cold) and so is his body that's tightly pressed against her back, trapping her in the most delicious of ways. She opens her eyes then, carefully, and has to squint a few times to get used to the unusual bright light in the bedroom. They must've forgotten to close the curtains last night after they collapsed on top of each other, bodies heated and sweaty, eyes shut tightly with pleasure as they were trying to catch their breaths. The last thing she can remember is Blake pulling her flush against his body, his arm snaking around to softly caress the naked skin of her stomach while whispering words of love in her ear, before her breath evened out and her eyes closed, giving in to the exhaustion. She feels his presence now too, his warm breath stroking her neck and his grip on her tightening when she slightly moves to get a better look at him. For a moment her breath catches in her throat and her heart beats faster, because ohmygod, she's never found him more beautiful than in this very moment, right here. His stubble is slightly longer than usual, the wrinkles around his eyes more prominent in the sunlight, his skin still glowing from last night's activities. His lips are full and slightly swollen, begging to be kissed. And his grey sprinkled hair the definition of bed head, lightly matted to one side, wild and unruly. She loves those wonderful moments in the early morning hours when the first sun beams start slipping through the trees and the rest of the world is still peacefully asleep. When it's only her and her thoughts. It hasn't always been like this, though. Just a few months ago, being alone with her thoughts was unbearable and she'd end up crying and vomiting and exhausted every time. So being able to lie here, in the arms of her lover without falling into a minor depression feels strangely comforting to her and shows her once again how much her life has changed within the past year. How much she has changed.

She can't help but touch him then, her hands moving on their own accord, fingertips slowly tracing over his flushed skin, memorizing every line, every peak and valley of his handsome face before slightly scratching along his rough scruff. The corners of his mouth curve up in a lazy smile, his little snuffles that she learned to love a clear sign that he's enjoying her touch even in his sleep. She wants to smile then too, but instead of the newly familiar feeling of joy and happiness that usually spreads through her body like a wildfire whenever she's faced with his little acts of love and affection, her heart aches. A painful, slow squeeze that makes it hard to breathe for a moment and has her withdraw her hand as if she's been burnt. Gwen takes a few more minutes to admire his sleeping form and collect herself before she decides to get up. The alarm on the night stand is only showing 6 o'clock but her feelings are threatening to overwhelm her this morning (they did so too last night, but Blake had her pressed against their bedroom door faster than she could react and it was needless to say that they didn't do much talking for the rest of the night) and she doesn't know how much longer she can stay in close proximity to Blake, because she can already feel a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes and the tightening feeling in her chest and she's pretty sure she needs to get out and breathe and clear her head for a while before the kids and Jen and Todd wake up and the usual chaos of their morning routine starts. Getting out of bed without waking her 6'5 boyfriend, who's wrapped himself around her like a blanket, has proven to be a tougher task than she thought, but with a few confused, almost disappointed grunts on his part (and her heart skips a beat again, because it's the little gestures like feeling her absence even when he's dead asleep, that show her how much he loves her) she makes it out of their bedroom, putting on her silky robe and cowboy boots, before quietly closing the door behind her. She lets out a shaky breath then, that she didn't realize she'd been holding in and leans back against the door for a second, taking a few deep breaths in and out, in and out, in and out before sneaking down the hallway. She checks on Apollo first. Her baby boy had a hard time sleeping these last couple of days, which is mostly due to the huge and unfamiliar room he has on the ranch and the disordered daily routine that comes with traveling, family vacations and birthdays. But as she walks in she finds him peacefully sucking on his pacifier in the crib that Blake got for him. He's snuggled up under his blanket, letting out tiny little sniffles now and then, clutching his favorite teddy bear. (Putting him to bed last night took about 2 hours, cause they couldn't find the damn bear anywhere and he refuses to sleep without it. So the fact that it's now in the crib with Apollo must mean that he woke up at some point during the night, screaming probably, and that Blake searched the whole ranch again until he found it and lulled her baby back to sleep. It's little gestures like this that make her heart beat faster and make her feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.) She watches her little miracle for a few more minutes, bathing in the pure joy and happiness only a mother can feel and catches herself imagining life with another curly haired baby, with brilliant blue eyes and tiny dimples that will break every man's heart.

Gwen finds the three older kids in a room at the end of the hallway. It's big and bright thanks to the huge windows, and there are dozens of toys covering the hard wooden floor. King had made it his own the first time they ever came to visit Blake. There's a basketball hoop on the wall and a set of darts, there's a bin with all kinds of balls and a huge TV at the wall across his bed with about a million different video games, not so neatly stacked on a nearby shelf. (He'd probably never used it before because her kids usually prefer riding horses or four wheelers or looking for disgustingly big frogs and proudly holding them under her nose, before helping Blake chop wood or do other farm stuff she has no clue about). There's a huge tent in the middle of the room (a real one- camo, hanging leaves and all -that Blake probably uses for hunting trips in the woods) and inside are Stella, Kingston and Zuma, all cuddled up in their army green sleeping bags that are ten sizes too big for them and covered with a big, fluffy comforter that wasn't there yesterday. Todd, Blake and the kids had built it last night, in between fits of giggles and pillow fights, because they had promised to take all of them camping (not including Jen and Gwen, because yeah she loves his life in the country but she's not yet ready to risk her life, camping in the woods where she _knows_ , bears and snakes could be hiding behind the next tree), which for some reason didn't work out during this trip. But since Blake just _hates_ to disappoint her kids and would basically do anything for them at this point (including Stella, cause she has a huge crush on Blake and seems to have chosen him to be her own personal super hero), they settled for the indoors alternative, building the tent, equipping it with sleeping bags and camping chairs and dressing the kids in camo from head to toe. It was the perfect ending to the perfect day and Kingston was so grateful for this amazing birthday weekend that he almost started crying. Definitely her kid. Blake went out of his way to impress and entertain him (especially after he heard that it was in fact Kingston's idea to spend his birthday on the ranch and not Gwen's). From fishing to buying him his own four wheeler, to taking him on a helicopter ride and bringing him on stage at his concert, there was not a dead moment and her birthday boy had the time of his life. Tears well up in her eyes as she thinks about the amount of love her boyfriend has for her kids, about how much he actually cares for their happiness and well being, about how in tune he is with each kid and their own weird, special, precious personalities. She decides to let her favorite little cowboys and cowgirl sleep for a bit longer and closes the big oak door behind her, carefully walking down the stairs. She gets a cup of coffee from the kitchen and then makes her way outside, to her favorite spot on the front porch from where she can look out over the lake, some corn fields and grassland and from where the Oklahoma sunrise looks like the prettiest one she's ever seen.

 

Todd is walking off in the distance, dressed completely in camo gear with the biggest boots she's ever seen and one of Blake's ranch caps on his head, probably going down to the Lake to fish, with Betty happily chasing after him. He and Blake had done that a lot the previous times they'd been here, bonding in the quiet early morning hours by the lake while the rest of the house was still dead asleep. She has to stifle a laugh then and feels the corners of her mouth curl up into a big grin. It's funny, really, how well they all fit in here. Not just her, but her whole family too. Jen loves Blake to no ends, loves how good he's to Gwen and her kids, loves how happy he makes her and loves that he's the reason why she's crying less and less. Todd treats him like a brother, she noticed. They go fishing and even hunting (she had raised her eyebrows at Todd and gave him a slightly disapproving look the first time they dragged a dead deer up the hill, clad in hunting gear, shotguns over their shoulders, covered in dirt; but her heart had skipped a beat seeing their shit eating grins and sparkling eyes and she felt immense joy at the thought that two of the most important men in her life were spending quality time together) when in Oklahoma, they meet up for lunch or dinner or a boy's night out when they're in LA and she'll never forget the look on her brother's face when Blake asked him to work for him and do the filming of Behind the Scene's material for his upcoming tour. Her parents had loved the cowboy from the moment they met him during season 7 of The Voice. They'd loved him as her friend, because he was funny and easy going and always managed to make everyone on set laugh. They loved him as her partner even more (though they were majorly surprised when Gwen told them that they were, in fact, dating) because they watched him save their little girl more and more every day, because they saw his unfailing attempts to make her kids smile when they really didn't have a lot to smile about and because she had finally found someone who not only treats her right, but treats her like the most precious thing in the world. Blake had welcomed them into his world with open arms and a huge smile and she could tell that he genuinely loved having her family here (he was seeking the contact even, asking her parents and siblings when they'd be free the next time so they could all come to Oklahoma and spend time together), teaching them about the things he loves and is passionate about, making everyone fall in love with him and his life even more.

It hadn't even been a year since they started dating and with their traumatic past relationships and trust issues she knows she should be more careful, shouldn't depend on him and his love the way she does, shouldn't be _so_ sure again, that this is _it_. That this is the real thing. She's been burnt before. Badly. Twice. And yet here she is, madly in love with Blake, fantasizing about marriage and kids and growing old together and never letting him go, because everything is just so damn perfect. And that's when the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach returns with vengeance. Her grip on the railing tightens until her knuckles turn white and she closes her eyes, fighting against the wave of nausea that threatens to overcome her, and the painful contracting of her fragile heart. Every good thing comes to an end. And so does every relationship. At least hers do. She's learned that over the past 46 years of her life, and she's learned that it doesn't matter how much she invests in a relationship, how much of herself she gives to her partner, how much she loves him. Cause in the end, love isn't always enough. She gave everything to Gavin. Gave him stability and support, gave him love and respect; trust, friendship and a future. She gave him her body and her soul and later on kids, and she always gave him the benefit of the doubt. And in the end, this innocent, naive way of loving him came back to bite her in the ass. Now she finds herself in the same position again. Well not quite, cause Blake wouldn't cheat on her, probably hasn't even lied to her once in the two years they've known each other. But it's almost the same, cause here she is, at 46 years old, more in love than she's ever been, so sure that there is no man on this planet, who's more perfect, more lovable, more special than Blake is. He's good and they're good together and the life she's living now is good. Too good to be true. There's this nagging feeling of insecurity in the pit of her stomach that she's been trying to shake off for weeks now. She feels like she's holding her breath, waiting for a big blow up, a big fight (They almost never fight and if they do it's about the dumbest shit and they start laughing about it within two minutes and yes she loved that about their relationship but now it's also freaking her out, because what if he's just trying to be nice and his anger is building up on the inside, just waiting to burst out in a big explosion), _something_ bad to happen, that will eventually tear them apart and leave her crying on the floor again.

And _again_ it's not just her that would end up getting hurt, but also her three precious babies who seem to love Blake like a father already and who are happier now that they're together, than she's ever seen them. And they depend on him as much as she does. Her oldest and Blake spend at least an hour a day talking about 'boys' stuff' and school, friendships and life, when her boyfriend is around; Apollo can't usually go to sleep without saying good night to Blake first (and it's happening more and more that he's specifically asking Blake, instead of her, to sing him to sleep at night) and the amount of times Zuma is telling her how much he's missing Blake whenever he's out of town or on tour or doing something that doesn't involve her little family, is getting out of control.

She's scared and freaked out and she wants to throw up.

 

That's when she hears the swish of the glass doors opening and a second later Blake comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her shivering body, pulling her close while nuzzling a warm 'Good morning, beautiful' into her neck. They stay like this for a few minutes, looking out at the vast Oklahoma sky and the small lake by the foot of the hill that seems to sparkle in the light of the morning sun; enjoying their precious alone time, bathing in each other's warmth and love. “Wanna tell me what's on yer mind now, darlin'?”. His voice is still rough from sleep, almost like a growl and his deep southern accent is even more prominent right after he wakes up. She shivers and her skin is tingling, where he whispered the question into her hair, breathing her in. “Hmm?” She humms back as an answer, slightly distracted by his close proximity, her mind still foggy from sleep. His mouth is close to her ear now, hands traveling across her stomach before landing on her hips, pulling her even closer. “You've been all tense and distracted since last night and I wanted to ask ya before but ya looked so hot in those tight jeans and cap with your pouty pink lips and ya didn't seem like you were ready to talk yet, so I figured I'd wait til today to ask you.” She feels him place a tiny kiss on the sweet spot behind her ear that would make her loose her mind if it wasn't for the heaviness of the conversation they were about to have. “So tell me, what's going on, sunshine?” Gwen takes a deep breath then, turning in his arms to look at him with teary eyes and a sad smile, her lips slightly quivering and her skin flushing under his intense gaze. She blinks a few times, willing the tears to disappear, and shakes her head, angry at herself for being such an emotional mess once again. His calloused hand is rough on the smooth skin of her cheek, and he turns her head to face him again, his deep blue eyes searching hers for an answer, a sign, anything really. “I don't want this to end” She barely manages to get those six words out, before averting her eyes again, trying her hardest not to break down and cry right then and there. She knows she's probably being totally irrational, paranoid even, but honesty has always been a weakness as much as a strength of hers. She can't count the times she got into trouble because of her loose thoughts and even looser mouth, can't remember how many times she got so embarrassed that she wanted nothing more than the earth to swallow her, because she'd said things in interviews that she probably shouldn't have said; can't remember all of the fights she had with Gavin, when she found out that honesty didn't mean crap to him. That's why she and Blake work, she thinks. Because as different as they may seem, their values are the same, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

“What are you talking about, Gwen? What happened?” His voice, slightly louder and more urgent now, is pulling her out of her thoughts and his confused and tense face makes her realize that's she's been staring at him for a while, with tears running down her cheeks and panic reflecting in her eyes. “Nothing happened, Blake! That's the problem! Everything is so fucking perfect that it hurts.” She didn't mean to raise her voice at him, but she can't help the frustration seeping through her (why the fuck can't she be happy for once, thoroughly happy without worrying about her future and just live in the moment?), driving her crazy and she feels bad instantly when she sees Blake flinch and take a step back. “I'm sorry, I'm just..” She hesitates for a second, waving her hands through the air helplessly before running them through her hair, trying to collect her thoughts and put them into words that won't scare him away. “I just don't want to loose you, Blake. I love you like so much and I need you in my life and my boys need you and this is all so perfect. Too perfect to be real. And it's freaking me the fuck out.” He's still looking at her intently, his blue eyes boring into her and she feels like he's looking straight into her soul. After what feels like ages (she doesn't really know how to continue so she decides to wait for his reaction first, decides to wait and see if _this_ is going to be their first fight, maybe even their last). He seems to see something in her eyes or face or posture of her body then because his expression softens, one hand coming up to her face, to softly trace the shape of her lips and the flushed skin of her cheeks, wiping away her tears in the process, while the other one goes to rest on the small of her back, rubbing soothingly across the material of her robe. “Sweetheart, yer startin' to freak me out here. Why d'ya think yer gonna loose me? Did I do somethin' wrong?”. Blake's honest concern and worry endears him even more to her, if that's possible and scares the living daylights out of her at the same time. She coughs then, her voice quiet, shy, vulnerable. “Because everyone always leaves me. I'm so used to giving so much more than I receive. Hell, Gavin took every last ounce of love that I had in me until I was empty and broken and wanted to die. And then you came along and you're perfect, like truly perfect. This is the first time in my life that I didn't fall in love with the potential of what a man could be, but with who he really is. And you're so good to me and the boys and my family and I'm so freakin' happy all the time that I feel like something bad's gonna happen soon, y'know?” She doesn't know if she's making any sense at this point and averts her eyes, taking a small step back to bring some space between their bodies, so she can breathe again. He's not interrupting her, knows that she has a lot more to say, a lot more she needs to get out before it chokes her, so he gives her all the time she needs, his eyes carefully watching her every move. “I meant every word I said in “Rare”, y'know? Like you're better than you realize, so much better than you give yourself credit for and I know that you deserve more than me. I'm chaos, my life is chaos and so are my kids and I'm an emotional mess at best and I'm clingy and paranoid and the amount of trust issues I have is ridiculous, really. And I know that you love me, but I also know that one day you're gonna wake up and see the truth and that scares the hell out of me. I'm _so_ scared Blake, that you'll wake up from that dream bubble we're in and see the wrinkles on my face and realize that me snoring isn't adorable but annoying as hell and then you'll have enough of my chaos house hold and my kids will tire you and me texting you a million times a day won't be cute anymore cause you wanna be independent and do your own stuff and have your freedom back.” Gwen has to swallow a few times before she can continue, cause that lump in her throat is back and she wants to throw up and throw herself into his arms for comfort at the same time, but she knows she has to get through this first. “One day soon you'll realize that I'm not what you want and that's ok, cause you deserve all the good things in the world, but it's also not because I'm gonna be broken. More broken than after what happened with Gavin cause back then I had you to save me and I won't have you this time around. And I can't do this Blake. You've got my heart and you've got my kids' hearts and if I loose you, I'll loose myself and I don't think I'll ever be able to recover from that.” The tears in her eyes are finally making their way down her cheeks and she's almost scared to look at him. Blake's always been nothing but patient with her and her emotional outbursts but he has to reach his limit at some point and she's pretty sure that this might be it. The last straw. “When..” his voice is hoarse and he coughs and she whips her head around to look at him. His eyes are red rimmed, tears clearly clouding the usual ocean blue eyes she came to love, a trembling hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously, before he turns to look at her again. “How long have we been together now, Gwen?” She's confused for a second, her voice nothing more than a whisper. “About 10 months, I guess.” He nods briefly, as if to confirm, “About 10 months.” Then: “Ran and I were out of our honey moon phase about 2 months in. She got annoyed cuz I was too clingy 'n liked to spend the majority of my time with'er while she tried to get away from me as much as possible. A month later we had our first big fight. Real big. She threw stuff through the house and yelled. I yelled back. We said hurtful things 'n ended up not talking to each other for a week or two. 'n I missed 'er cause I was in so deep already 'n I came to the conclusion that all of it must be my fault and decided to just roll with it. So we stayed together 'n I accepted her mood swings 'n the fact that I didn't deserve better 'n then I married her. Cause I was scared she'd leave me behind 'n I'd end up with another failed relationship. Not because I wanted to. 'n then.. well ya know the rest.” Blake's coming to stand next to her now, his hands tightly holding on to the railing, looking out at the scenery again. The sun had come up, she hears birds chirping and Betty barking in the distance. Todd must be on his way back from the lake. It's all so oddly comforting and calm that she almost forgets the heaviness of their conversation and the painful squeezing of her heart. “You 'n me, Gwen, we're not in the honey moon phase anymore.” Their eyes meet and he smiles at her softly, somewhat sad, the tears in his eyes still present and she wants nothing more than to kiss him and comfort him and assure him that everything's gonna be ok. “We're just in love. Madly in love. 'n I need ya to realize that this won't change. I won't stop loving you or your kids. I won't wake up from a dream and realize that this is not the life that I want to live or that you're not the woman I want to love.”. “Blake..” He places a soft kiss on her lips to silently shush her before pulling back, resuming his position at the railing, struggling to find the right words. “Yeah, sometimes I wake up at night when yer snoring lightly and I get annoyed for a second until I see your peaceful face 'n how gorgeous you are and then I realize that I'm the lucky bastard who gets to fall asleep next to an angel. And yes, your life is a fucking chaos..” He chuckles at that, amusement flickering in his eyes “but I love chaos, I love your chaos. I love seeing you run through the house like a maniac when yer tryin' to get ready for a meeting or interview yer already late for 'n when ya can't find the right pair of shoes or purse 'n freak out cuz ya have no clue what else is on yer schedule for the day. 'n I don't mind cleaning up after the boys when they decide to trash the house, or makin them dinner 'n puttin' them to bed by myself cause yer stuck in traffic or at a photo shoot or in the studio. And no, I don't think ya textin' me or wantin' to spend time with me is clingy or annoyin', cause I miss you when I'm not with ya 'n I wanna know what's going on in yer life 'n what the kids are up to 'n if you miss me too. And I get scared too, Gwen. I get scared that one day you'll realize that I'm just a country hick from Oklahoma 'n that I don't fit in yer life 'n that I have no clue how to dress properly 'n that yer not gonna want me anymore. But y'know what helps me?” The pure honesty and raw emotions she sees in his eyes make her shiver and she shakes her head briefly before wrapping her robe tighter around herself, clutching her arms. Sometimes she forgets that he got hurt too, that Miranda broke his heart and then stepped on it with her pink cowboy boots. Again and again until there was nothing left of his past self. “I look at ya 'n I see your beautiful heart and soul in yer eyes, 'n I see how much you love me 'n then I'm not scared anymore, cause I know that as long as we love each other and trust each other 'n are honest with each other, we're gonna be fine. And we're gonna make it. I know ya need me, Gwen. But you have to know that I need you 'n King 'n Zuma and 'pollo just as much. Yeah, this seems to perfect to be true, we seem too perfect to be true, but dontcha think that after all these fuckin' miserable years we deserve to have perfection? Deserve to have each other?”

She freezes for a moment, not knowing what to say and before she realizes what she's doing, she's in his arms. Gripping his face and puling him into a deep kiss, her tongue shoves into his mouth, her fingers scratching through his hair, her body flush against his, trying to get as close as possible. She can taste her tears in their kiss, and his as well and she knows she must look desperate but she can't bring herself to care because, holy shit, he's never said anything more perfect to her, no one did. And she already feels her walls coming down and her worries fade away and the pressure in her chest is almost gone, as is the nagging feeling of insecurity in the pit of her stomach. She breaks their kiss with a loud plop, trying to regain her senses and they both chuckle, resting their foreheads together. “You won't leave me?” she sighs against his lips, her voice still trembling. “I won't leave ya.” He nods, causing their noses to bump into each other and she looks up at him through her eyelashes, smiling softly. “We are forever?”. “We are forever.” It's Gwen's turn to nod and give him a small kiss, telling Blake without words that she'll be ok, that she loves and trusts him, that she believes in him and most importantly in them. But.. “I'm gonna be insecure, Blake. I can't turn it off. I've been hurt and lied to and there'll probably be a lot more breakdowns in the future, but I'm trying ok? I really am. But there might be times when I'll ask you the same questions over and over again and will expect you to answer them, over and over again.” She's more certain now, not as self conscious as before and it reflects in her voice. She's not asking him for approval, she's telling him. “That's ok, darlin'. I'll always be right here to reassure ya.”. The biggest smile she's ever seen appears on his face then, the slight crinkles around his eyes that she'd traced earlier this morning are showing, and so are his dimples. The signature spark returns to his brilliant blue eyes and Gwen can't take hers off of him. Their kiss is softer this time. More love than lust, more devotion than desire. His hands are stroking along her cheekbones as hers wrap themselves around his neck, pulling him closer. Their tongues are dancing against each other, both of them relishing the feeling of loving and being loved in return.

She's about to deepen the kiss and considers taking him right back to bed to show him exactly how much she loves him, when, “Hey lovebirds, say Hi to Snapchat.” She jumps in shock for a second and Blake whips his head around, looking royally pissed before letting out a booming laugh that makes her heart flutter, and pulling her back against his chest. And sure enough there's her brother with a tail-wagging Betty and a huge ass smirk on his face holding his phone up to capture the moment. “Fuck off, Todd. We're havin' a moment here.” One more kiss, then “Uh uh, no kiddin'. When you're done devouring my sister, get your ass inside and help me wake up the kids, Jen made breakfast.” Todd shakes his head good naturedly at them once more, before retreating inside to give them some privacy. “Gosh, I was this close to getting some incredible morning sex.” She can't help but laugh at him then, playfully swatting his chest and pushing him towards the big glass doors. “You'll survive, cowboy. Go help and you might get some when we're back home tonight.” Blake places another tender kiss to her temple before turning around and it's not until she's back to looking at the beautiful Oklahoma sky, that she hears his voice again. “Hey Gwen?” She humms in response and turns to look at him, feeling the love for her roll off his body in waves and shining in his eyes. “I'm gonna marry you one day. And when we're 80, sittin' on the porch of our ranch in California you'll look just as beautiful as ya do now, wrinkles and all, 'n you'll get pissed at me for listenin' to the same songs over 'n over again, 'n I'll get annoyed cause you'll still need 2 hours in the morning to put on yer make up 'n do yer hair and we're both gonna yell at each other cause we snore during the night and can't sleep 'n the boys will still be disgusted cause we kiss 'n cuddle too damn much, and y'know what? We're still gonna be just as happy as we're now. And I can't wait for it.” With that he winks at her and shuts the door behind him, diving into the adventure of waking up her kids and getting everyone ready for their flight back to LA. And she's still standing there, smiling like she just won the lottery, giddy and excited, her heart filling with love and joy and suddenly she's sure. Sure that he won't leave her and that she won't do anything to screw it up. Sure that their love is strong enough and that in the end they'll always find their way back to each other. Sure they'll make it. And if that's not the best damn feeling in the world, she doesn't know what is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, that chapter was waaaaaaay longer than I intended it to be. Sorry! :D Let me know if you liked it ♥


	2. What an amazing time. What a family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake gets a very special present, for his very special birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! :) Since it's the cowboys' 40th tomorrow, i kinda got inspired and decided to write a cute, fluffy one shot. Unfortunately i'm well aware that the chances of this story line actually happening are as high as Sophie letting Gwen use social media again, but whatever. A girl can dream ;)  
> Have fun reading and let me know what you think in the comments below :)  
> PS.: I'm also open for requests or ideas, so if you have any, gimme! ♥

46\. She's 46 years old, for god's sake. This can't be happening again, shouldn't be happening again. She knew though; had that feeling she had the three times before and really, she should've seen it coming, because she's been rehearsing for her tour for months now and that's always when it happens. And they've been having sex, obviously. Lots and lots of amazing sex, especially that one night in April when her divorce was finalized and he'd promised to marry her one day, promised to make her his, promised to make her happy for as long as she'll let him. She can still feel him hovering over her, can still feel him buried insider her, sweaty skin gliding over sweaty skin. His lips never left hers, their eyes stayed locked the whole time, staring into each other's souls, making wordless promises, declaring their love for each other in the best way they knew how to, while she was coming undone beneath him, her orgasm ripping through her like an ocean wave crashing into shore, making her head light and her heart heavy with love for him. They'd been lying in bed afterward, facing each other, their legs entwined, her hand resting on his beating heart. “You're everything I've ever wanted and never knew I could have” he'd said to her, and then they fell asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms with huge smiles on their faces and happiness in their hearts. That was more than two months ago and now here she is, sitting on the tub of their bathroom on Blake's ranch, with a stick in her hand that confirms what she already knew. She's pregnant. They're having a baby. The moment realization hits her she feels like the wind is being knocked out of her. She drops the stick and slaps her hands across her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes as she's desperately trying to catch her breath. “I'm pregnant.” she whispers. The words rolling of her tongue sounding familiar and yet so strange. Unreal somehow. Her heart skips another beat and she wipes away the lonely tear trailing down her cheek. She closes her eyes for a minute then, almost sure that she's dreaming and that she'll wake up in her LA bedroom with Blake cuddled up next to her and her three boys asleep in their rooms down the hallway. When she's brave enough to open her eyes again though, she's still sitting on the tub in Blake's bathroom and the stick is still lying on the cold tile in front of her, taunting, daring her almost. She gives herself another few minutes before she finally, finally picks it up again and sure enough, there's a clear and distinct plus to be seen. And that's all it takes for a huge wave of emotions to roll over her. The tears are streaming down her face like a waterfall now and she's so overwhelmed that she doesn't know what to feel for a moment. She's happy, yes, incredibly happy, because she'd never thought that this would be happening again for her, that she would have another miracle baby just like Apollo. That she would get the chance to build a family with Blake. But god, she's scared, too, so unbelievably scared because this wasn't planned; with her tour coming up and then his in fall this was actually far far far from planned. They had stopped using protection shortly after they had the initial sex talk last summer and she had stopped taking her pills a few months back, when her gynecologist told her that it would be highly unlikely (and the way she said it, it sounded more like a “hell no, you better look into adoption') for her to get pregnant again at this age. Blake had been ok with it but still they had never talked about potentially having kids together. (They'd briefly talked about the subject 'kids' last summer, when they were still friends and Blake had confessed that the biggest problem in their marriage, apart from Miranda's inability to stay faithful, was the fact that she didn't want to have kids while all he ever wanted was to be a country singer and father; but she can't really count this cause things have changed dramatically between them since they've had that particular conversation). It's always been an unspoken agreement between the two of them, that it was simply too early for them to talk about marriage or babies at this point in their relationship. They'd agreed on taking it slow, living it by the day, just enjoying their time together. And sure, they'd joke around, say things like “When we're married...” or “I hope our kid will look like you, not me” or that time in April when he said “I'll marry you one day, Gwen Stefani.” but that was about as deep as it got and one day didn't mean this year, or next, it just meant that there's a possibility, meant that he's serious about them. And that's what's scaring her now. Because what if he's not ready to be a father yet, what if they are not ready for this huge step in their relationship? What if they'll ruin everything before it really gets started? They'd only started living together about a month or two ago and sure, he's great with her kids and seems to love them just as much as they love him, and she knows he's in it for the long haul, knows that he loves her more than anyone has ever loved her, but there's a huge difference between being a half time stepfather and being a full time father.

With a deep, shaky sigh she buries her head in her hands, her thoughts overwhelming and confusing her, making her head spin. A short knock on the door and his voice are what's eventually pulling her out of her daze. “Honey, I hate to rush ya but as much as people are lovin' me over there, I can't really pull off bein' late for ma own concert.” She hears the teasing tone and the amusement that's lacing his voice and knows that he doesn't really care. She could probably take another two hours to get ready and he'd be fine with it. All he wanted was to spend his birthday with her and the boys and their families and maybe even Adam, but the concert had been scheduled and he loves being on stage and putting on a show, so he hadn't canceled and decided to go as long as she would come with him. Well he'd actually begged her to come (even though he won't ever admit to that) and she'd laughed at him cause really there was no place in the world she'd rather be than by his side. “Sorry babe, I'm coming, I'll be right out.” She hears the huskiness and the slight quiver in her voice and prays to god that he won't pick up on it, cause if he does then she'll have to spill and she's soo not ready to tell him yet. “You alright, Gwen?” Damn him and his sensitivity. “Yeah sure, I'm good. Just having trouble deciding what lipstick to wear.” This sounds dumb, even to her own ears but it's the best she can do right now, and she's the worst liar anyways. She hears him laugh then and maybe she really is getting better at hiding her emotions (not that she needs to in this relationship. Blake's the complete opposite of Gavin in so many ways, but it still surprises her how patient and understanding he is, and how he never ever gets tired of comforting her during her spontaneous emotional outbursts). “Well babe, if I have any say in that decision, ya can leave it all off. I'd much rather be able to kiss ya whenever I want to without having to worry about getting' lipstick everywhere. I'll be waitin' downstairs, darlin'”.

When she finally hears his footsteps retreating, she lets out a huge breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Pregnant. Holy shit. Gwen gives herself another five minutes to collect herself before she gets up on shaky legs and walks over to the giant mirror on the wall to fix her make up (taking off the pink lipstick while she's at it, he's the birthday boy after all and she's more than happy to fulfill his wish). When she sees herself then, really sees herself, she can't stop the giant smile that's breaking out on her face, that's making her cheeks hurt and her eyes shine; a shy hand softly stroking over the barely there bump underneath the material of her shirt. She allows herself to indulge in this moment and lets her imagination run free. She thinks about a blue eyed girl with blonde curls and dimples that will sooner or later bring any boy to his knees, imagines a little cowboy just like Blake, and them sitting next to each other by his lake, fishing and chasing frogs through the muddy grass; imagines them all cuddled up together in front of the fireplace on a cold winter morning, unwrapping presents, eating cookies, laughing together and playing games – their own little family. Her heart fills with happiness then and with the love only a mother can feel and no one could ever blame her for that quiet, joyful giggle that escapes her mouth just before she leaves the bathroom to face Blake and the rest of their day.

* * *

 

His concert had been great as always. He sounded amazing, rocked out on stage in front of thousands of people and effortlessly entertained everyone in the crowd. She'd been sitting backstage and couldn't take her eyes off of him all night. He looked incredible, slightly sweaty, wild curls swaying in the wind, playing his guitar the way he does that makes her tingle all over and imagine all the good things his fingers could do to her. The huge grin that had appeared on her face the moment she realized they were having a baby, hadn't left it ever since and she could barely hide the excitement cursing through her whole body. Yeah, she was usually bubbly and cheerful and full of energy and could talk for hours, and to everyone else she might appear the same, but he'd noticed, of course, because he's so tuned into her and seems to know her like the back of his hand. He'd shot her some curious glances on the plane ride over here when she couldn't sit still and was basically pacing through the tiny private plane and he'd laughingly asked her what the hell is going on, when she had to run to the bathroom every two minutes while he was getting ready for his concert backstage. But he hadn't pushed her, he never did, and waited patiently for her to be ready to share whatever was on her mind. But since she hadn't figured out how to yet and since there was a whole birthday party yet to happen, she didn't and decided to enjoy his concert instead.

When they got back to the ranch it wasn't all that late and Jen and Todd had prepared everything for their little birthday celebration. Initially Gwen wanted to throw a huge surprise party for him, that's what she's good at after all. She loves socializing and being surrounded by friends and she knows that he's the same way. She wanted to make it big and fun and unforgettable but her plans changed when he'd shyly told her that she and their families were all he really wanted on his birthday. 

He wouldn't get to see the boys til the week after when they are scheduled to come back from their dad's house (Blake had looked like someone kicked his puppy when he realized that he wouldn't get to spend his birthday with his favorite three boys and she fell in love with him even more, if that's possible at this point) and so she tried her best to make it up to him in some way. She'd invited some of his Oklahoma friends, invited Trace and Luke and Adam and their wives (without Blake's knowledge) to celebrate with them, because even though Blake gets along with everyone and has a lot of admirers in the industry, there are only a few people he really cares about, a few he can really call his friends. The surprised and giddy look on his face when he saw them, told her that she made the right decision, inviting them against his will and so did his firm kiss and brokenly murmured “Thank you sweet girl. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”. Their little party had been a huge success, they laughed and danced and drank (well she didn't, and that was harder than she thought considering the fact that Blake always checks if she has enough to drink and fills up her glasses as soon as they're empty) and then when everyone else had left or went to bed, they'd had hot and frantic sex against their bedroom door, because she'd been teasing him all night with her short dress and fishnets and he'd been a goner the moment he discovered that she wasn't wearing any panties underneath.

And now here she is, lying next to an exhausted cowboy, thoughts running through her brain a mile a minute, making her head spin and making her more nervous by the second.

Gwen feels Blake press a tender kiss into her hair and hears a small cough escape his mouth (the fact that she made him loose his voice is strangely satisfying) before he whispers softly into her ear, “Thank you for today, darlin'. You didn't have to go through all of this trouble.” She can't help but smile then, looking up at him through her eyelashes, “This was nothing, babe. I actually wanted to throw you like a huge party or something but then you said how you only wanted family around, so y'know.. I had to backpedal a bit.” She smirks at him then, amusement lacing her voice, and presses a quick peck to his lips before locking eyes with him again “you had such a shitty year Blake, and I just wanted you to be happy and have the best day you could have. It's nothing, really. I love making you happy.” She steals one more kiss before lying back down, placing her cheek on his chest, letting his steady heartbeat calm her nerves. She still hasn't told him but she knows it's time, knows that she can't put it off any longer. They'll have to deal with this after all, no matter what his reaction may be. 

“Well the drinks were pretty good and the concert was fun, so y'know, guess it was ok” he deadpans and for a moment all she can do is stare at him in disbelief until she sees mischief sparkle in his baby blues and the corners of his mouth turn up into a teasing grin. “Fuck off, Blake. You better watch your mouth before I go hide your favorite red lace panties and never let you see them again.”.Before she can even raise a daring eyebrow at him, he rolls her underneath him and presses his mouth to hers, hot and demanding. He lets his tongue play with hers for a while until she moans out in pleasure and then he pulls away abruptly, rolling off of her to lie down on his side of the bed again. “Guess I have to take away my kisses then. And my fingers, and my...” She interrupts him with a hand covering his mouth, muffling his last word, before she climbs on top of him, teasingly grinding her naked hips into his as she sits herself on his already stiff member. If he can tease, so can she. “I'd take that threat seriously if I didn't know how little self control you have, cowboy.”. His hands land on her hips then, pulling her down for another heated kiss that makes her head spin. They stay like this for a while, tongues dancing, lazy fingers exploring naked skin, soft moans and hitched breaths sounding in the otherwise silent room. They don't need this to go somewhere yet, just enjoy being together for the moment, relishing in the knowledge that this is how it's gonna be for the rest of their lives. When he pulls away again she feels the air rush out of her lungs. His eyes are full of adoration and love, saying 'thank you' and 'I love you' and 'I cherish you' without words and she has to swallow down some tears that are threatening to fall. “No, but seriously Gwen. Thank ya. I loved havin' Adam 'n Trace 'n Luke here 'n yer right, I wanted nothin' more than our families and you. This birthday was pretty damn perfect, babe. All of it.” She smiles at that, shyly ducking her head away under his intense gaze. His hand is gentle on her chin when he turns her around to face him again. “All that's missin' were the boys. I would've loved to have'em here today. Can ya believe how much I miss 'em when they're not around 24/7? It's crazy. I can't even imagine how you must feel every day.” His words are nonchalant, like it's not a big deal that he's basically telling her how much he loves her kids and she can feel her heart swell three sizes at his admission. He loves kids. He loves her kids. He loves being a stepfather. He'll love being a father even more.

The next kiss he offers is pure fire and by the way he thrusts his hips up against her groin, rolling them slowly, only a few times before stopping altogether, she knows he's reached his limit. She'd been teasing him all night and yes, that quickie at the door was good, but now that most of the tension is gone, they can take their time, really enjoy it. Gwen moans as she feels the warm press of his tongue against her lips, licking across them from one side to the other, slightly sucking on her lower lip before pushing into her mouth, her teeth clashing into his at this unexpected move. She can feel his hands wandering down her bare back, taking their time to slowly trace along her spine, before they reach her ass, squeezing, grinding her down harder onto his erection. She leans over then, pressing her bare breasts into his chest, his rough hair rubbing against her sensitive nipples is like sweet torture and she can't help but whimper into his mouth, urging him on. His long fingers are tightening their grip on her hips and with her next thrust he almost slips into her and Blake groans loudly (a raw and deep sound in the back of his throat, that has arousal shoot through her and makes her gasp), burying his face into the crook of her neck, breathing deeply before placing hot, open mouthed kisses along her collarbone. She feels him nibble on that one particular spot where her neck meets her shoulder and lets out a surprised moan when he bites down gently, immediately following up with his tongue licking over the mark and the contrast of her wet skin against his hot breath makes her head spin. Gwen knows that he's past the point of no return and she is on her way too, but as much as she wants to give in and have incredible, mind blowing sex right now, they can't. He needs to know. She rolls her hips against him one, two, three more times before stopping her movements, sliding her hand up his body until it reaches his slightly sweaty curls and tugs gently to get his attention.

“Hey Blake, how many rooms does the ranch have?” She sounds breathless, even to her own ears and she wonders if he can tell how turned on and ready for him she is. Blake stops placing kisses along the base of her neck then and nuzzles into it instead. “What babe?” “How many rooms are there? Our bedroom, the boys' rooms. But how many guest rooms do you have?”. She stops grinding into him and feels more than hears him groan into her breasts at the loss of contact, the vibration sending shivers all over her body. “That's really what ya wanna discuss right now, Gwen?” He groans again when she moves his head away from her body and lifts herself into a sitting position on top of him, throwing a stern look his way. She knows he's impatient and horny and wants some more of that steamy birthday sex she'd promised him, but he'll get over it. This'll be worth it. “Fine, erm..” his hand goes to the back of his neck, rubbing it gingerly while thinking about her question, and it's fascinating ,really, how adorable a 6'5 cowboy can be. “There should be like three more guest rooms up here, my office, the boys' playroom, that one room down the hallway that I never really use and the guest house by the pool.” She smiles in answer, patting his chest lightly. “Ok, good.”. She knows she has him, he's curious and he'll want to know the motivation behind her seemingly trivial question. “Why? 's that some essential information?” He's quirking an eyebrow at her and his hands are itching dangerously close to her inner thigh again. She can see the wetness she's left beneath his navel and his eyes follow hers, before he licks his lips and looks up and down her naked body, hungry eyes taking in every inch of her skin. “Just checking if there's enough room, that's all.” “Room for what?”. That's it, that's the moment. She takes a deep breath and runs a gentle finger down his chest, stopping over his heart, where she flattens her hand to rest on it. The smile she gives him is full of love and tense at the same time and she knows that he can sense her anxiety when she locks her eyes with his. “For when we have four pairs of little feet running down the hallway, instead of just three.” Her voice is soft but steady and she looks at him pointedly, sees confusion cloud his ocean blue eyes, that quickly turns into realization when she utters her next words. “Guess I have another birthday present for you, cowboy.”. She can feel him freeze from where he's lying underneath her, his hands gripping her hips now and she's sure there'll be marks in the morning. “Gwen, what are you sayin?”. The emotions lacing his voice are almost her undoing. He sounds broken and fearful but insistent and she knows he needs her to say it, needs her to spell it out for him. His eyes are frantically searching hers and she sees so many emotions in them, that it's slightly unsettling. The most prominent one is fear, but there's something else there too; a small shimmer of hope, almost as if he doesn't dare to believe. “I'm pregnant Blake. We're having a baby.” His eyes widen to the size of saucers as soon as she finished talking, and if it were any other situation she would be laughing at the utter shock and disbelief on his face. But she doesn't, because his reaction will either make or break their relationship and she doesn't know if she's ready to find out which one it would be, yet. “You're.. you.. Gwen, what?..” His voice is hoarse and breaks after every word and in it she can clearly hear the tears that are forming in his eyes, and that's all it takes for her to break, too. She barely manages to choke out a high pitched “yes” before dissolving into tears, slapping her hands over her mouth while frantically nodding her head up and down. After a few more moments of complete shock, her boyfriend seems to fully regain his senses and with the power only a 6''5 man can possess, he sits up, almost toppling her over if it wasn't for his death grip on her thighs. Before she can say another word, his lips are on hers- frantic pecks that are turning into firm tongue kisses and then he pulls away with a loud plop, his forehead resting against hers, his hands coming up to take a gentle hold of her face. His eyes are still shut tightly, tears are running down his flushed cheeks and the biggest smile, she's ever seen is gracing his handsome face. He'd never looked more beautiful. When he finally looks at her again, she's overwhelmed by the pure joy and happiness that are visible in his ocean blue eyes and can't stop herself from laughing giddily. “You're pregnant.” He says it again, testing how those two words sound rolling off of his tongue and Gwen nods in confirmation, placing a chaste kiss to his wet and swollen lips. “I'm pregnant.” Blake beams at her then and shakes his head in disbelief, before pulling her into a deep hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck, where he sheds a few more tears. For all those years that he wanted a baby but never thought he'd be able to have one, for all the dreams of his that Miranda had crushed with the heel of her cowboy boot, for all those months and years he lived in misery with no hope of a brighter future. “I love you Gwen. More than anything.” The words are whispered into her neck, almost incoherently but she can still make them out and takes his hand in response, pressing a soft kiss on the back of it before gently placing it on the naked skin of her stomach. Blake pulls back then, looks at the barely there bump and then at her, and the amount of love and happiness that's oozing from him is enough to fill every last dark hole, her ex had left in her heart and soul. “You didn't just save my life last summer Gwen, yer also givin' me everythin' i've ever wanted. A big family, love, yer boys, 'n now a baby of my own. I dunno what to say, don't know how I deserve you 'n all of this.” She kisses him then, his words touching her more than anything ever has, and interlaces their fingers on her stomach, before giving him the biggest smile, he's ever seen. “Happy Birthday, Daddy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we make this happen, please? I need them to have a baby.


	3. Contentment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't really looking forward to this year's birthday. He knew it wouldn't be as bad as last year, because he had Gwen in his life now and because he had a show scheduled. He wouldn't be alone, but he was so afraid he'd feel alone again. Like he did two years ago, and the year before that, and the year before that, and really, since he can remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! :)
> 
> So this chapter was inspired by that precious picture of Blake resting his head on Gwen's shoulder, which she posted on instagram the day after his birthday. I literally started writing this right after I first saw it, but then life got in the way and I didn't really find the time to finish it up, so anyways.. better late than never, I guess ;) I hope you guys enjoy it!  
> Also, what's up with the fanfic drought?

He'd never been a fan of birthdays. It's not like he doesn't like getting older (quite the contrary, in fact. He always thought that aging meant growing up, finding happiness and building a family, and that's all he'd wanted for years), it's just the concept he's not into. The idea of making a big deal out of just another ordinary day that doesn't really hold any special meaning for him. He'd throw parties every year though, of course, because he likes partying and drinking and being around his friends and sometimes Miranda would surprise him with something special she thought he'd like and they'd have a nice day out in the woods hunting or rent a cabin somewhere in Alaska for a nice, romantic getaway. And for years he thought that that's what he needed on his birthdays, that that's what they're all about – getting memory-loss-kinda-shitfaced with his friends, having cake with his family and sex with Miranda. It's what he's been doing for years and what made him happy. At least he thought so. The last birthday they spent together was two years ago. He woke up to her talking to someone on the phone about her upcoming tour,she gave him a quick kiss and a murmured “Happy Birthday, babe” and he went out to fish because he could just _sense_ that she was in one of her moods and he wasn't all too excited either because nearing the age of 40 with a divorce, another long marriage and no kid to show for it, he kinda felt like his vision of having a big family, children and a ranch full of life and laughter seemed to become less and less like an implementable dream and more like an abstract concept. She'd apologized for her absence later with a round of hot sex and he pushed the nagging feeling of discontentment (he'd been feeling it for a while now, whenever they shared a kiss or I love you's, whenever he stepped on stage to do another concert, whenever he went to The Voice tapings or did interviews and he'd been wondering what the hell is wrong with him, because he _should_ be happy, has _every reason_ to be happy; and still he's not, feels like there's something missing, feels restless and unsettled and it drove him crazy that he just couldn't figure out where that feeling came from) to the back of his mind and enjoyed her good mood. They'd had a great day. They spent time with his family and went hunting, they threw a gigantic party on the ranch that ended with about 50 people getting drunk of their asses like they usually do and he had a blast with his friends. It was as good of a birthday as the last couple had been and still, that night when he was lying in bed next to his wife and his buzz started wearing off, he felt lonelier than ever. Wanted nothing more than a child or two down the hallway and a normal life, wanted nothing more than still feeling the same love for his wife that he'd felt years ago when they first met, wanted nothing more than to know that she still loved him, at least a little bit.

His last birthday had been worse. He thinks. He can't really remember, honestly, cause he'd started drinking the minute he woke up when he realized that he was turning 39 and getting his second divorce and when the first pity messages had come through. A “happy birthday dude, come back to LA if you need anything” from Adam, a “Happy Birthday, we love you so much!” from his mom and a sweetly added “we're always here for you” from his sister. It had been the last sentence of Luke's message that sent him over the edge though. “The kids love ya and are asking when uncle Blake's coming over to play again.” He started drinking and hadn't stopped until he threw up all over his house and then passed out on the living room couch where he woke up the next day, feeling worse than he's ever had in his life.

Needless to say he wasn't really looking forward to this year's birthday. He knew it wouldn't be as bad as last year, because he had Gwen in his life now and because he had a show scheduled. He wouldn't be alone, but he was _so_ afraid he'd _feel_ alone again. Like he did two years ago, and the year before that, and the year before that, and really, since he can remember.

* * *

 

Blake wakes up to her soft lips kissing all over his face and her hips grinding into him; slow undulating rolls that are driving him crazy before he can even open his eyes. Her breath is warm on his face and her small hands are resting on his chest, one of her fingers rubbing slow circles right over his heart and he can feel it skip a beat when her lips trace the outer shell of his ear before he hears her sweet voice “Wake up, baby. It's your birthday.” He smiles then and lets his hands come to a rest on her naked back, wandering along her spine, tracing the peaks and valleys of her creamy skin until he can feel goosebumps erupting all over her body. A low moan leaves her mouth and then her lips are on his, insistent but not pushy. She takes her time licking across his lower lip, one side to the other, before tangling their tongues for a slow and delicious dance. There's no hurry in her kisses, no 'I want you right now' or 'make love to me'. It's just them, bathing in their love for each other and he lets her take the lead- enjoys her nails scratching along his scalp and her warm body on top of his. When she pulls away again and pushes a stray curl from his forehead, he opens his eyes for the first time this morning. The brilliance and sheer happiness of her smile takes his breath away for a moment and the way she's gazing down on him with her molten chocolate eyes, almost brings tears to his. They're warm, glowing almost, still hazy from sleep and he can see the remains of her arousal seeping through. But it's the endless love written across her face, sparkling in her eyes, reflecting in her smile that has him swallow hard. He feels his heart flutter and there's this feeling again, spreading through his body like a wildfire. It sends tingles down his spine, warms him up from the inside, makes him grin like a lovesick teenager, brings peace to his mind like nothing ever did. And again he doesn't know what it is. Before he can think about it too long, he hears her – soft voice nothing more than a whisper, but the meaning of her words is loud and clear “Happy Birthday, Blake. I hope it's your best one yet.”

He hopes so, too.

* * *

  

They spend their morning with breakfast in bed, with snuggling under the covers and with fooling around in the pool. They have fun, like they usually do, and he's happy, so utterly happy just being with her, that it surprises him somehow. Because he's not usually the type of person to enjoy _being_. He needs to be busy, needs to be working or be around a bunch of people to have a good time and feel some resemblance of happiness. Hanging out with Miranda without anything to do had been difficult at times. She was a busybody too, and if it was just the two of them for a long period of time they started annoying the hell out of each other, which inevitably led to huge arguments about how she's always on tour and how he's never home because of The Voice and it always ended with her fleeing to a friends' house (or boyfriends' house, in retrospective he's not so sure anymore) and him getting drunk because of how empty his life felt.

It's different with Gwen. She loves working, too, loves being creative and writing songs, she loves doing photo shoots and most of the time she loves interviews too. But she loves him more. Spending Saturday's playing around with him and the kids in the backyard or having lazy Sundays with breakfast in bed and whispering sweet nothings under the covers. She loves telling him about what's going on in her life and loves listening to his stories just as much. She doesn't mind when he's being 'clingy' and 'overly affectionate' (Miranda used to call it that with a raised eyebrow and disapproving look when he wanted to cuddle with her in the mornings or when he fell asleep with his head in her lap or the crook of her neck, or when he showered her with compliments and cheek kisses in front of their family and friends), thrives in it actually and gives back just as much, if not more. He loves _being_ with her, no matter what they're doing or not doing, and it's a greatly satisfying feeling of sorts, to know that he she's his way to happiness.

 

* * *

 

“Whoa, ya'll decorated the plane for me?” He's surprised when he sees it (he knows he shouldn't be, because she likes to spoil people and because she's amazing and because she seems to love him so damn much that this isn't a big deal for her at all. It is for him though.), utterly surprised and he slaps a hand over his mouth before letting out a booming laugh and covering his face. He knows he's acting like a little kid but he can't help it, he's just so fucking happy. “Well, you only turn 40 once, cowboy.” Gwen is smiling up at him through her lashes, fondness and adoration grazing her soft features and there's some insecurity too. He knows she used to do stuff like this for her ex husband. Used to give and give and give and never receive anything in return and he knows that feeling, too. When you give up everything you are and everything you have for the person you love and get nothing but a frown and disapproving look in return. It hurts. They both have been hurt. “I don' even know whatta say, Gwen. This is _soo_ cool. It's so... _you_.” She giggles at that and slaps his ass fondly, before Todd comes over to give him a big, brotherly hug. Blake smiles wide when he receives a fond kiss to the cheek from Jen and even wider when she pulls him into a tight embrace, mumbling “You deserve to be happy, Blake. We love you sooo much.” It all feels so familiar and domestic to him and his heart flutters at that thought. These people have become his family. He can't imagine a better way to spend his birthday.

* * *

 

The plane ride over is fun, as he expected it to be, they laugh and sing and drink and it's not until Gwen jokes that he should wait until after the concert to get totally wasted, that he really thinks about the past year of his life again and about how much he's changed.

He'd always thought that he liked getting drunk (in the same way you decide to like smoking as a teenager, just because your friends tell you how fun it is), had enjoyed countless wild nights with his wife and his buddies, made fun of his drunken twitter rants in interviews and pushed way past his limits every time. He drank the most when he was with Miranda. In fact, most of their fights were results of drunken arguments because those were the only times she got really honest with him and the only times he didn't take her shit. Realization had hit him like a truck at the end of September. He and Gwen had been 'a thing' for quite some time, even though they hadn't really defined their relationship yet. They'd come back to her house from some kind of event and Gwen had been more drunk than he'd ever seen her. A cute kinda drunk. She was tipsy and giddy, talked more than she usually did and was probably a _tad_ too touchy-feely considering the fact they were still trying to hide their romance from the public eye. She'd fallen asleep in a matter of seconds after she'd cuddled into his chest that night and he was left wide awake with his thoughts. He wasn't drunk, not even close. In fact, he remembered only having one glass of champagne with her before switching to coke. It had been an incredibly fun night, he enjoyed being with his girl, had a blast with their mutual friends and colleagues and felt oddly at home amidst the Hollywood crowd Gwen had introduced him to. And that's when he realized that maybe, possibly, he didn't like drinking for what it was, that he didn't do it to have a good time, that maybe he just liked it because it gave him an escape- from his real life, his responsibilities and the unhappiness that seemed to take up his whole being during the last few years of his marriage. He didn't need alcohol anymore, preferred not drinking at all some nights because he likes watching out for Gwen and the boys when they throw parties at her house and because she introduces him to so many interesting and fun people at events, that he really doesn't see the point in getting wasted and not remembering anything about it in the morning. His life had changed, his habits had changed, he didn't need work or his music or alcohol to be happy anymore. He felt like something, he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was yet, had been missing in his life for years and he realized that slowly but surely, being with Gwen had started to fill this void.

This feeling is catching up with him again now. Gwen's sitting next to him, excitedly bubbling away, telling stories to her family and his crew, while one of her small hands is entwined with his on her lap. Her thumb is absentmindedly rubbing comforting circles on his palm and he catches her looking at him a couple of times. Every time their eyes meet, something in her seems to light up. Her expression softens, her smile grows bigger and her chocolate eyes sparkle, a warm gaze full of love, just for him. It warms his heart, seeing her like this. He knows how much she's been through, how bad she's had it for years, how she's suffered throughout her marriage and to him, there's nothing better than seeing that natural glow of happiness that's surrounding her these days. The same one that's surrounding him, too, at least that's what his mom and sister like to tell him. Gwen and her boys are everything he really needs in life to fill his pained heart and empty soul with light and hope and the realization of that makes him happier than any birthday present could.

* * *

 

He'd never seen anything like this before, he's sure of that. She's the epitome of sex – long, long legs; those black high heels (he'll ask her to wear them to bed later, only them), the sheer black top she's been teasing him with all day and her blonde curls blowing in the wind. She's every man's dream and she's his reality. He _knew_ when he asked her to perform “Hella Good” for him, that she'd nail it. That the audience would have a blast and that she'd blow everyone's minds. She's an incredible singer and an even better performer and if there's one thing Gwen Stefani knows, then it is how to command a stage. But even in his wildest dreams (and he's had _lots_ of them, especially during those lonely nights in Nashville, without Gwen laying next to him in bed) he wouldn't have expected _this_ to happen. Thousands of redneck cowboys jumping up and down on her command, singing and shouting along to one of her biggest hits, not taking their eyes off of her body that's seductively moving up on stage. Everyone's mesmerized by her, including him, and when he hears his name roll off of her lips he suddenly finds it hard to control his breathing. She's controlling thousands of people, she's demanding, she's smoking hot, she's stealing the show and she's doing it all for him. At one of his concerts. On his birthday. She couldn't have given him a better present.

When he finishes his encore and goes backstage she's waiting for him. She's slightly sweaty and still out of breath, her curls are a sexy mess and creamy skin is showing where her shirt is riding up on her stomach. She's a vision in black and he wants her. He doesn't realize he's staring until she saunters (there's no better word for the way her hips are swaying and her eyes are trailing up and down his body, while a teasing smirk breaks out on her pouty lips) up to him, arms wrapping around his neck immediately, her mouth hot on his. Before he can react, she's pulling away, swiftly licking across her own lips while looking up at him with her bedroom eyes. “I know we have a flight to catch and people to say bye to, but I really need you right now, Blake. You have no idea how hot you were up on that stage.” He swallows hard at the arousal and lust in her raspy voice and then takes her hand, leading her backstage, where he hopes, they can get a few minutes to themselves. The moment the door closes behind them, she's pushing him to sit on the couch before stepping out of her jeans and throwing her shirt to the side. He's a bit startled at how brazen she's being at first, but hey, she's only wearing black lingerie and heels, he sure as hell won't complain. When she's done shedding her clothes, she comes to a standing position astride him, her legs on either side of his, and her hands tangle in his hair, pulling him in for a kiss full of battling tongues, clashing teeth and raspy breaths. His hands find her ass immediately, pressing down until she's fully seated on his jean-clad erection and he can't help the moan escaping his mouth as soon as she starts grinding into him. She's beautiful like this- her eyes are glazed with lust and desire, her pupils are blown wide and her cheeks are flushed from arousal. When her hips grind down on his again, with more purpose this time, she lets out a deep, throaty moan and that's all it takes for him to loose his mind. His hands are on her breasts in an instant. He can feel her taut nipples through the flimsy material of her bra and starts tweaking them between his fingers while kissing and licking across her face, down her throat, along her collarbone, until he reaches the softness of her breasts, where he sucks once. Hard. Her high pitched gasp against his ear is the most beautiful thing he's ever heard and he presses her into him more firmly, squeezing her ass with one hand, while the other is working to unclasp her bra. “We don't have time for this, Blake. Stop the teasing and take me.” Her words come out in between heavy breaths and hot kisses placed against his throat and the nape of his neck and all he can do is curse and thrust up against her when arousal shoots through him and his cock twitches in his pants. He's painfully hard and he needs her. “Stand up. Now.” He sounds rough, even to his own ears, but she doesn't seem to mind as she gets up in a hurry, shrugging out of her bra and pulling down her lace thong while she's at it. For a moment he can't do anything but stare. At her gorgeous face that's flushed and sweaty, her beautiful feminine curves, those breasts he'd been staring at all night through the sheer material of her black top. At the smooth skin of her long, long legs that are still covered in fishnets and sexy high heels. She's a vision. She's his. Her hand firmly gripping the bulge prominent in his jeans is what eventually pulls him out of his daze and it takes all his self control to not come right then and there. She opens his buckle with a steady hand, all the while looking at him with a smoldering glance and when she's done, he helps her slide down his jeans and boxers. She looks down on him through her long lashes then, her eyes dark with desire, and lightly pushes his chest until he hits the back of the couch, before climbing on top of him again. “Settle down, cowboy. We're going for a ride.” They both know they're running out of time, know that someone could come knocking on the door any minute. There's no time for foreplay or loving and worshiping each other, that'll have to wait til later, when they're in the privacy of their own house. His hand finds her inner thigh then, tracing up the creamy skin until he reaches her hot center, dragging a finger across her swollen clit and wet lips, before slipping a single finger inside. Her answering moan is almost his undoing and he feels her clamp down on his digit. “Shit Blake, stop the teasing.” Her voice is full of need and he can feel a tiny hand grasp his dick, so he stops – watching her rapt as she's rubbing it along her wetness before slowly lowering herself down on him. It doesn't take long for them to find a rhythm, an unbearable slow game of pushing and pulling and the way she's dragging her hips across him, back and forth, back and forth, is driving him insane. Gwen's breath is hot on his mouth as she lowers her face to his again, biting his bottom lip once, before licking the blood away and sucking on his upper lip. He lets her take the lead and be in control, senses that that's what she wants, that she's giving him another birthday present and he's surely not about to complain. He looses conscious control of his breathing when she rocks into him harder, her movements becoming more frantic and erratic, a guttural moan leaving her lips when he pushes his hips upwards to meet hers. She's close, he can tell, and so is he. “Come for me, Gwen.” Her tongue finds his again, sucking it into her mouth and her hands grip his broad shoulders for better leverage. Together they start pushing and pulling, rocking into each other without any particular rhythm, tongues dueling, hands groping, breaths getting out of control. A low sound escapes her lips before he can feel her whole body tremble on top of his. She shudders, pulling her mouth away from his with a loud gasp and freezes for a split second, before she clenches around him. Long and hard, her body toppling over, her moan loud in his ear. That's all he needs to fall over the edge with her. His dick twitches one last time before he spills into her, groaning into her hair as he holds her close to him, stroking her back in a soothing motion to bring them down from their high.

After a minute or two she seems to have her energy back, pushing herself up into a sitting position on top of him and he can't help but grin smugly at the expression on her face. She's spent, happy, satisfied, blissful almost and her wide smile lights up his whole world. “Happy Birthday, cowboy.” One more kiss, then:“That's the fucking happiest Birthday, I've ever had.” He means it too.

* * *

 

She saved his life last year. It's a generally known fact. His family's seen it happen gradually and so have his friends and lately he's been telling the public, too. But it still catches him by surprise, sometimes, how important she had become to him. How much she changed his life, truly changed it. At first she'd given him a shoulder to lean on- she's been his best friend and secret-keeper, one of the few people who were allowed to see him cry, the only person he was completely honest with. He didn't need to hold back with her; she took his tears and his laughs, took his anger and frustration as well as his sadness and depressing thoughts. She reassured him when guilt threatened to eat him up and comforted him when he wasn't sure if he'd make it through another day. His own personal guardian angel. Then she'd given him a distraction- from the shithole that was his life and the dark future awaiting him. She'd filled the empty days he spent bathing in self-pity and loneliness with laughs and joy, she'd filled the empty spot in his bed with her warm body and soft kisses and finally she'd started filling the empty space that Miranda's betrayal had left in his heart and soul. She creeped up on him, made him feel better smile by smile, touch by touch, kiss by kiss and without even realizing it, he fell for her. Hard. Irrevocably. And she fell for him too. And with the love and affection, came the days spent together (not just nights anymore) and with that came the extended family she gave him and the kids. He's not their stepfather yet, he knows that, but he also knows with a certainty that's refreshing (because the only thing he was certain of in his marriage with Miranda was that he loved her more than anything. He wasn't certain about her feelings for him most of the time or what would happen to them and their relationship in the future) that he will be, someday. Probably sooner than later, if the ring he bought with Todd a couple of weeks ago is any indication.

She'd given him all of that, but most importantly she'd given him unconditional love and a happiness that's more pure and honest than anything he's ever felt.

He's sitting next to her on the plane now, his head resting on her shoulder, their hands entwined in his lap. It's been a long day and he's exhausted. He's exhausted and spent and.... _something else._ He looks up at her then, takes in her beautiful face, takes in the way her brows furrow adorably trying to focus on something she's reading on her phone, takes in the peaceful and relaxed glow that's surrounding her and the warm smile she's gracing him with, when they lock eyes. When he takes her phone from her, she looks adorably confused for a moment, until she realizes what he's doing, that he's capturing their special moment, their love. His voice is quiet, an almost whisper, suiting the intimate atmosphere “Post it later. I want people to know.” “Know what?” He hands her the phone, pointing at the picture and she takes in a harsh breath when she sees it “How happy I am. How happy you're making me, Gwen.” There are tears in her eyes as she beams down at him and she places a soft kiss to the tip of his nose “Go to sleep baby, it's been a long day.”

_Content_. That's the word he's been looking for all day. He feels _content_. For the first time ever he's genuinely happy and there's nothing missing in his life. He's got the most amazing woman on the planet and her endless love, he's got her incredible family and wonderful children. His ranch is filled with laughter and love and so is his heart and soul. The hole that's been left by past troubles and pain is gone. He feels loved and appreciated, he feels _content_ and he's sure, _so sure_ that this is it. That Gwen is it. His forever.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was my take on their birthday shenanigans. Leave some comments and let me know, if you liked it. :)  
> I'm also writing on a few other stories right now and I really hope I'll get the chance to finish them soon. If you guys have any wishes or ideas, let me know! :)


End file.
